Book Review: IF I DIE TONIGHT by Alison Gaylin

Title: If I Die Tonight

Author: Alison Gaylin
Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks
Read: February 2018

Expected publication: 6 March 2018

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟1/2

Book Description:

Late one night in the quiet Hudson Valley town of Havenkill, a distraught woman stumbles into the police station—and lives are changed forever.

Aimee En, once a darling of the ’80s pop music scene, claims that a teenage boy stole her car, then ran over another young man who’d rushed to help.

As Liam Miller’s life hangs in the balance, the events of that fateful night begin to come into focus. But is everything as it seems?

The case quickly consumes social media, transforming Liam, a local high school football star, into a folk hero, and the suspect, a high school outcast named Wade Reed, into a depraved would-be killer. But is Wade really guilty? And if he isn’t, why won’t he talk?

Told from a kaleidoscope of viewpoints—Wade’s mother Jackie, his younger brother Connor, Aimee En and Pearl Maze, a young police officer with a tragic past, If I Die Tonight is a story of family ties and dark secrets—and the lengths we’ll go to protect ourselves.

My musings:

I once read this quote in a book, and it has stayed with me: “You’re only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.” (unfortunately I have forgotten where I read it, or I would give due credit to the author). How true! This is the situation Jackie finds herself in, a single mother trying her best to raise her two teenage sons. Her older son Wade has been distant and secretive lately, estranged from his peers, a loner who rarely smiles. What has happened to the happy little boy who used to laugh and play, her precious first born? Ever since her husband left her for another woman and cut off all contact with his sons, Wade has been angry and distant. Then one night a car is stolen and a teenager killed in a hit-and-run. Straight away suspicion falls on the weird kid, the outsider – where was Wade that night? And why won’t he do anything to defend himself? Caught up in the most horrible of situations, Jackie can only do one thing – believe in her child.

If I Die Tonight is a heartbreaking book in so many ways. As a mother who has seen her children through the turbulent years of teenagehood  I could relate to Jackie’s confusion and pain, and the feeling of powerlessness and failure to not be able to “fix” things for her unhappy child. My heart bled for her as things start to go wrong and her child stands accused of a crime. As Jackie goes through a range of emotions – sorrow, pain, frustration, anger and guilt – I reflected on how difficult it is to raise children in a world where conformity rules, where society makes scapegoats of people who dare to be different from the norm. This was such an emotional rollercoaster ride! And once social media gets involved, things turn really ugly. Gaylin has done a brilliant job in portraying the judgment imposed by people on social media, the media frenzy and the ensuing witch-hunt. It was scary, and had my heart racing in utter horror as I tried to put myself in Jackie’s shoes. Whether guilty or not, this teenager was being tried and convicted by people’s opinions without any evidence, let alone a fair trial.

Told from several viewpoints, including excerpts of social media feeds, Gaylin tells a compelling story that will tug on every parent’s heartstrings. Each and every character is believable and well rounded, giving a different perspective to the situation., right up until its surprising finale. I especially liked Pearl, who made a most intriguing character, and her side story was fascinating – I would love to see her back in another mystery. The ending certainly packs a punch, and I did not see that one coming at all! 

Summary:

If I Die Tonight is a slow burning, character driven family drama with an intriguing mystery at its very heart that will tug on every parent’s heartstrings. Tackling contemporary issues such as single parenthood, peer pressure, mental health, mob mentality and the impact of social media on our lives, it would make for interesting bookclub discussions or personal reflection. I really enjoyed Gaylin’s writing style and look forward to reading more from this author!

Thank you to Edelweiss and William Morrow Paperbacks for the free electronic copy of this novel and for giving me the opportunity to provide an honest review.

Book Review: BEFORE I LET YOU GO by Kelly Rimmer

Title: Before I Let You Go

Author: Kelly Rimmer
Publisher: Hachette Australia
Read: February 2018

Expected publication: 27 February 2018

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟1/2

"Addiction is, in that way, just like love - in the early moments, you don't see the potential for it to bring you pain - it's just something you slide into between the laughs and smiles and moments of bliss. It's something that feels like a shield, until you realise it's actually a warhead, and it's pointed right at you."

Book Description:

As children, Lexie and Annie were incredibly close. Bonded by the death of their beloved father and their mother's swift remarriage, they weathered the storms of life together. When Lexie leaves home to follow her dream, Annie is forced to turn to her leather-bound journal as the only place she can confide her deepest secrets and fears...

As adults, sisters Lexie and Annie could not be more different. Lexie is a doctor, successful in her practice and happily engaged. Annie is addicted to heroin - a thief, a liar, and unable to remain clean despite the fact that she is pregnant. When Annie's newborn baby is in danger of being placed in foster care, Annie picks up the phone to beg her sister for help. Will Lexie agree to help and take in her young niece? And how will Annie survive, losing the only thing in her life worth living for?

My musings:

I love dysfunctional family relationships as the basis of novels, and sisters always make for interesting dynamics. But Lexie and Annie take this to another level altogether! On one side there is Lexie, who is a successful doctor and engaged to a handsome surgeon. Then there is Annie, a pregnant drug addict living in a run-down trailer and spending every cent she can find on her next fix. How can these two women be from the same background? And what brought them here? Rimmer’s novel Before I Let You Go explores this question through the eyes of the two sisters as they meet up again when a pregnant and sick Annie calls her sister Lexie for help. Whilst Lexie’s POV is in the first person, Annie’s story is being told through journal entries she writes for her therapist whilst in rehab. It is a format that is tricky to pull off, but in this case it worked perfectly for me, as Annie goes back in time to explore events in her childhood that may have contributed to bringing her to the situation she is in at this point in time. And be warned, there is a lot of pain and heartbreak in her story!

Rimmer does an excellent job in exploring the topic of addiction and how it affects sufferers and their families, and she is not afraid to expose the dark, ugly side of the problem. As a nurse, I know that addiction is a huge drain on both the health system and families, and often sufferers have burnt all their bridges with their loved ones. Sometimes it is difficult to see past the manipulative and out-of-control behaviour of an addict and understand the true person behind it and what has brought them to this place. Rimmer does well to remind us that addiction is an illness, not a life-choice, even though sometimes it may appear that addicts choose this path. Reading through Annie’s story my heart broke many times over, even though her behaviour was infuriating at times. As a mother, I was quick to judge her for her apparent lack of insight and care for her unborn foetus, and yet as the story unfolded I could see the hurt little girl inside. I am grateful to the author for reminding me not to judge by offering a thought-provoking, insightful glimpse into Annie’s background. I also found the legal implications of Annie’s situation interesting and think it would make for a lively book club discussion, throwing up many ethical questions and emotions tied up with the subject.

Of the two sisters, Annie (despite all her problems) was the more believable and engaging character for me, and I admit I struggled at times to bond with Lexie, despite her being the one who supposedly has her life under control. I would have loved a bit more background to make me understand how a girl from such a dysfunctional family managed to leave it all behind and become a doctor. Especially since I found her to be quite whiny and weak at times, at odds with the strength and discipline it would have required for her to rise from the ashes of her damaged childhood and succeed in her career. Ditto for Sam, who remained a bit of an enigma throughout the book. The patience of a saint, he never once complains or gets flustered about Annie’s actions, which seemed a bit too good to be true. The result was that the later part of the book (which featured more of Lexie’s story) dragged a bit in places and made me skip ahead as my irritation with Lexie mounted. I would have liked a few chapters from Sam’s POV, which may have offered a more neutral look at the sisters and shed light on the points that didn’t quite add up for me. 

Summary:

Before I Let You Go is an insightful family drama exploring the implications of a traumatic childhood and the devastating effects of addiction on individuals, their families and society as a whole. With many ethical dilemmas tied up in the story (such as the rights of the mother vs the welfare of the foetus / baby), it would make a fantastic bookclub read, opening the door for lively discussion that may challenge deeply ingrained belief systems. I recommend it to lovers of contemporary family drama who are not afraid of shedding a tear or two. 

Thank you to Netgalley and Hachette Australia for the free electronic copy of this novel and for giving me the opportunity to provide an honest review.

Audiobook Review: SNOWBLIND by Ragnar Jonasson

Title: Snowblind (Dark Iceland series)

Author: Ragnar Jónasson
Narrator: Thor Kristjansson
Read: February 2018

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Book Description:

Siglufjörður: an idyllically quiet fishing village in Northern Iceland, where no one locks their doors – accessible only via a small mountain tunnel. Ari Thór Arason: a rookie policeman on his first posting, far from his girlfriend in Reykjavik – with a past that he’s unable to leave behind. When a young woman is found lying half-naked in the snow, bleeding and unconscious, and a highly esteemed, elderly writer falls to his death in the local theatre, Ari is dragged straight into the heart of a community where he can trust no one, and secrets and lies are a way of life. An avalanche and unremitting snowstorms close the mountain pass, and the 24-hour darkness threatens to push Ari over the edge, as curtains begin to twitch, and his investigation becomes increasingly complex, chilling and personal. Past plays tag with the present and the claustrophobic tension mounts, while Ari is thrust ever deeper into his own darkness – blinded by snow, and with a killer on the loose.

My musings:

When Ari Thor Arason takes his first posting as policeman in the remote fishing village in Northern Iceland, he does so with the reassurance: “Nothing ever happens in Siglufjörður.” Nobody even locks their doors here, because it is a small community where everyone knows and trusts each other. So the whole town is rocked to the core when a young woman is found half dead in the snow, brutally attacked and left for dead. As the weather closes in and the last access route to Siglufjörður is blocked by an avalanche, Ari Thor’s sense of claustrophobia and doom mounts. There may be a murderer living amongst them, and there is no way out ....

I’ve been wanting to put Iceland on my armchair travel map for ages, so when another book blogger recommended Snowblind to me, I immediately put it on my TBR list and marked it as the perfect audio book for my daily commute. Cloistered in my car, driving lonely dark country roads, this tense and claustrophobic mystery made the perfect companion! The Dark Iceland series is definitely one I could easily get hooked on, and I especially liked young Ari Thor, the earnest and intelligent police officer who is setting out in his career in this lonely, isolated place far from his family and friends.

Snowblind is a slow burning, character driven mystery that relies heavily on Jonasson’s excellent character development and his ability to create a tense, claustrophobic setting in a wild and isolated place. His portrayal of small town politics and dynamics is well done and lends authenticity to the story. There is nothing better than the tension created by entrapment – this time through forces of nature alone, as the Icelandic winter closes in on this small fishing village. Jonasson’s writing is almost poetic, even though the story fits perfectly into the Nordic Noir genre, with the whodunit atmosphere and careful plotting of an Agatha Christie style murder mystery. Soon all the threads and different POVs fall into place to reveal the bigger picture, even though Ari Thor still has his work cut out to prove his theory.

Summary:

Snowblind will appeal to readers who love Nordic noir, or just want a cracking good read! Tense, claustrophobic and atmospheric, this is armchair travel of the best kind, even though I’m not sure I would have the nerve to visit Siglufjörður in winter.  This is one of those books that exponentially expanded my alpine TBR list, as I had to add all other works by the author! A big shout out to Thor Kristjansson, whose deep, laid-back voice is perfect for this narration.

Book Review: THE RUIN (Cormac Reilly #1) by Dervla McTiernan

Title: The Ruin

Author: Dervla McTiernan
Publisher: Harper Collins Publishers Australia
Read: January 2018

Expected publication: 19 February 2018

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Book Description:

Galway 1993: Young Garda Cormac Reilly is called to a scene he will never forget. Two silent, neglected children - fifteen-year-old Maude and five-year-old Jack - are waiting for him at a crumbling country house. Upstairs, their mother lies dead.

Twenty years later, a body surfaces in the icy black waters of the River Corrib. At first it looks like an open-and-shut case, but then doubt is cast on the investigation's findings - and the integrity of the police. Cormac is thrown back into the cold case that has haunted him his entire career - what links the two deaths, two decades apart? As he navigates his way through police politics and the ghosts of the past, Detective Reilly uncovers shocking secrets and finds himself questioning who among his colleagues he can trust.

What really did happen in that house where he first met Maude and Jack? The Ruin draws us deep into the dark heart of Ireland and asks who will protect you when the authorities can't - or won't. 

My musings:

Some of my favourite police procedurals have been set in Ireland, and this one is definitely in that category! What makes my heart sing is that it is only the start of a (hopefully long) series, and that the author is already working on a sequel.

What could be more intriguing than an old cold case with links to a current crime, especially when it tugs on your heartstrings, with the main characters being young children? I love novels that take you on a journey of discovery, one clue at a time, only ever knowing as much as the detective that leads the case – it makes the story so much more interesting than those where you already know the answers whilst the police are still completely in the dark. Well, that’s my personal preference anyway, and McTiernan’s book could not have played out any better.

I absolutely LOVED DI Cormac Reilly, from his quintessentially Irish name to his approach to the cold case that has landed in his lap whilst trying to find his feet in his new workplace in Galway. Having moved from Dublin to give his partner a chance to pursue her career, Cormac is prepared to take a backward step in his own job. Being “initiated” into his new squad means having to do prove himself, and instead of being assigned fresh murder cases, he is tasked with slogging through file after file of cold cases. Cormac knows that most of these files will not yield any new information, until he is asked to look into a case he is very familiar with. Twenty years ago, as a young rookie, Cormac was called to the dilapidated farmhouse of a young mother, dead from a heroin overdose, leaving behind two young neglected children destined for foster care. One of these children, now a young man, has died a few days ago under suspicious circumstances. Could his death be linked to something that was overlooked all those years ago?

Cormac makes the perfect protagonist to take us on a journey into some of Ireland’s darkest history. He is so “normal”! This is not a troubled, lonely soul drowning his sorrows in alcohol after a spade of failed marriages. Neither is he a rebel who is out to defy authority and flaunt all rules to get his cases solved. This is just a straight-forward, honest bloke who loves his job, but is selfless enough to take a backward step in his career to give his partner a chance to fulfil her dreams. He doesn’t even get snarky with all those office politics that would provoke a reaction in most other protagonists. I really liked him. That brings me to character development, and the simple joy of reading a book where each and every character is believable, and there are plenty of people to root for. I soon felt deeply invested in the storyline, and Jack and Maud’s story broke my heart. McTiernan has a knack of offering glimpses into the very hearts of her characters, until they feel so real that you think you have known them all your life. With a somewhat bleak setting, the author evokes an atmosphere of mystery and impending doom that haunts every page and lends the story an air of suspense that had me frantically turn the pages to get answers. Slowly, all the clues lay the foundation for a gripping finale and a fitting denouement to this riveting mystery.

Summary:

The Ruin is a brilliant debut from an exciting new voice in crime fiction that will appeal to readers looking for a new gripping crime series with an interesting main protagonist. With its Irish setting it reminded me of Tana French’s Dublin Murder Squad series, but McTiernan has her own very unique writing style that drew me in immediately and didn’t let go. I can’t wait to revisit this cast of enigmatic characters in her next book! Very highly recommended. 

Thank you to Netgalley and HarperCollins Australia for the free electronic copy of this novel and for giving me the opportunity to provide an honest review.

You may also like:

      Dublin Murder Squad series by Tana French

Audiobook Review: THE CHALK MAN by C.J. Tudor

Title: The Chalk Man

Author: C.J. Tudor
Narrators: Andrew Scott & Asa Butterfield
Read: January 2018

My Rating: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

"What shapes us is not always our achievements but our omissions. Not lies; simply the truths we don’t tell."

Book Description:

In 1986, Eddie and his friends are just kids on the verge of adolescence. They spend their days biking around their sleepy little English village and looking for any taste of excitement they can get. The chalk men are their secret code; little chalk stick figures they leave for each other as messages only they can understand. But then a mysterious chalk man leads them right to a dismembered body, and nothing will ever be the same.

In 2016, Eddie is fully grown, and thinks he's put his past behind him. But then he gets a letter in the mail, containing a single chalk stick figure. When it turns out his other friends got the same messages, they think it could be a prank... until one of them turns up dead. That's when Eddie realizes that saving himself means finally figuring out what really happened all those years ago.

Expertly alternating between flashbacks and the present day, The Chalk Man is the very best kind of suspense novel, one where every character is wonderfully fleshed out and compelling, where every mystery has a satisfying payoff, and where the twists will shock even the savviest reader. 

My musings:

WOW! WTH did I just read?! I am still weak-kneed from the final revelation and at the same time relieved and sad that I finally got my answers, and may – given time – be able to creep outside in the dark again to lock up my chooks without expecting some sinister figure peering at me from the dark trees. Now here, people, is a REAL psychological thriller, one that messed with my mind from the opening sentence until the very last page. At times I felt so clueless that I wasn’t sure I would ever get my answers.

Tudor has really nailed it with this novel, from the “then” and “now” setting, to the creepy details that flow so effortlessly into the narrative, never too explicit to cross the line, but insinuating horrors that seep into your nightmare as they do into Eddie’s. I am not going to delve into the plot at all, as this is one you should dive in blindly, trusting fate to spit you out whole at the other end (no guarantees!). But I can safely say that the story revolves around an old murder, with the body of a dismembered girl discovered in the woods as the book opens with its chilling prologue. At the time of the murder, Ed (Eddie) Adams was twelve and on the brink of teenagehood and change. Whilst he still loved hanging out with his gang of friends – Hoppo, Fat Gav, Metal Micky and Nicky – a tragic accident at the fairground that summer and the arrival of their new teacher Mr Halloran (“the Chalk Man”) changed Eddie’s life forever in ways he could not have foreseen.

Told in a dual time frame from the POV of 12-year-old Eddie and 42-year-old Ed, the book seamlessly switches back and forth in time in ways only few authors can achieve. Like Tudor herself, I was a teenager in the eighties, and her narrative brought back a lot of memories, good and bad, which immersed me deeply into the storyline. But even without that connection, it was impossible not to get drawn into the mystery surrounding the body in the woods, its ominous presence announced by chalk men marking the way. It reminded me of a game we used to play at school, of drawing stick figures as messages to be secretly passed around the classroom to pass the time in the most boring of lessons, often featuring gruesome deaths as they plunged off mountain peaks or were eaten by stick-sharks. We didn’t have facebook then, so had to resort to more primitive ways of communication ;)

I loved the way Tudor presents her main protagonist. The innocent voice of 12-year-old Eddie telling of his adventures with his friends, and yet also hinting at the savagery of the childhood gang, with a Lord-of-the-Flies vibe suggesting that something darker is lurking beneath their games in the woods. On the brink of adulthood but still children at heart, the group are propelled into a cruel and unforgiving adult world through circumstances out of their control, which changes the dynamics of their friendhips forever. Don’t we all remember that bittersweet time, with one foot in childhood and one wanting to boldly step over the threshold into adult life? And then there is grown-up Eddie, who may have shed the last syllable of his childhood name, but not the history that still haunts him. There is something slightly off about Ed in ways that raised goose bumps on the back of my neck, and I was forever wondering if I could truly trust him.

¾ into the book I still had no idea where we were headed, with sinister images of chalk men marching through my dreams (this will teach me to read late into the night). But of course it all came together beautifully in the end, a denouement so clever and  so chilling with its final reveal that this book will stay with me for a long time to come. Brilliant! It ticked all the boxes for me, so if you are a lover of dark, clever psychological thrillers that really live up to their genre, this is a must-read!

If this was CJ Tudor’s debut novel, I am trembling in anticipation what she will come up with next! A great book, the best I have read this year so far and one that will appeal to male and female audiences alike. Do yourself a favour and get a copy today!